Why doesn’t explaining it work?
Question 21 from Stuff Every Dementia Caregiver Should Know
Because dementia can affect the very abilities someone needs in order to follow your explanation. This is one of the hardest adjustments for caregivers, especially if talking things through has always been how you solved problems together. You explain what happened, give the reasons, clear up the misunderstanding and move on.
Except now you explain. He doesn’t understand. So naturally, you explain better. More details. Different words. Maybe a little louder, because apparently volume will repair the damaged brain. It usually doesn’t. To follow an explanation, a person has to pay attention, understand the words, hold the beginning of the explanation in memory while listening to the end, connect the pieces, reason through them and then remember the conclusion. Dementia can interfere with any—or several—of those steps.
So if your husband is convinced you’re supposed to leave for an appointment that isn’t until tomorrow, a ten-minute explanation involving calendars, dates and what the receptionist said may actually make things worse. Now he has even more information to process.
What may help: Use fewer words. Give one piece of information at a time. Address the immediate concern rather than trying to correct the entire misunderstanding.
Sometimes “We’re not leaving yet. I’ll let you know when it’s time.” works better than a perfectly logical explanation of why he’s wrong. This can feel strange at first. You’re not treating him like a child. You’re adjusting communication because his brain processes information differently now. And sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is stop explaining.
Have another “Wait…why are they DOING that?!” question?
This is just one of 161 real-life dementia caregiving questions answered in Stuff Every Dementia Caregiver Should Know.
You don’t have to read it from beginning to end. Just find the Stuff you’re dealing with today — and start there.