Why Does He Keep Asking Me the Same Thing or Telling Me the Same Story?
Question 24 from Stuff Every Dementia Caregiver Should Know
Because to him, it may not be a repeat. If the brain isn’t successfully storing the answer, asking “What time are we leaving?” doesn’t create a lasting memory. You answer. The information disappears. A few minutes later, the question returns. From your perspective, this is Question Number Seventeen. From his perspective, it may be Question Number One.
Repeated stories can work similarly, although sometimes repetition also comes from familiarity, comfort, anxiety or simply having fewer memories and topics readily available. What may help: If the repeated question is about something concrete, try an external answer: “Doctor — 2:00” written where he can see it, a calendar, whiteboard or simple note. This works for some people and not others.
Also listen for the question underneath the question. Someone asking every five minutes when you’re leaving may actually be anxious about what’s happening next. Reassurance may work better than repeatedly supplying the time. And yes, repetition can drive a perfectly loving caregiver absolutely bonkers. Understanding that he isn’t doing it to you doesn’t mean Question Number Thirty-Eight suddenly becomes delightful. Sometimes dementia is both understandable and incredibly irritating.
Have another “Wait…why are they DOING that?!” question?
This is just one of 161 real-life dementia caregiving questions answered in Stuff Every Dementia Caregiver Should Know.
You don’t have to read it from beginning to end. Just find the Stuff you’re dealing with today — and start there.