Have you ever thought, “My loved one is acting like the world revolves around them lately”? Maybe they’re demanding. Maybe they seem emotionally cold. Maybe they want things done now—without a hint of awareness of your exhaustion.
You wouldn’t be the first caregiver to quietly wonder:
“Is this dementia… or narcissism?”
Let me reassure you with a cup of truth and tea:
Dementia doesn’t turn someone into a narcissist, dear—it turns down the volume on empathy and turns up the noise on fear, confusion, and survival mode.
Let’s peek inside the brain and heart of what’s really going on.
What’s Causing These Behaviors?
1. Empathy Is a Brain Function—And It Can Break Down
Many types of dementia (especially frontotemporal, Alzheimer’s, or Lewy Body dementia) affect the parts of the brain that help us understand how others feel. When these parts are damaged, your loved one may:
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Seem emotionally distant or indifferent
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Not recognize when they’re being hurtful
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Be unable to see things from your point of view
It’s not a lack of love. It’s a neurological block.
2. Emotional Tunnel Vision
As the disease progresses, the world becomes a very confusing place. What we might see as “selfish” is often someone reacting to:
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Overwhelm
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Fear
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Loss of control
They’re operating in survival mode. If they’re cold or impatient, it’s likely their way of coping—not manipulating.
3. Loss of Inhibitions
You may notice them saying things they never used to say, or acting more blunt and impulsive. This isn’t rudeness—it’s the part of the brain that controls impulse and social restraint no longer working as it should.
4. Cognitive Rigidity
Dementia makes it hard to adapt or wait patiently. If something feels off (even something small), it becomes a fix-it-now emergency in their brain. Combine that with poor memory, and you may get the same demand… over and over.
But They Were Never Like This Before…
Dementia can exaggerate pre-existing personality traits. If your loved one was already a bit self-focused or emotionally avoidant before, you might now feel like those qualities are turned up to eleven.
If they were kind and compassionate, the shift might feel even more painful or confusing.
Either way, you’re not imagining it—and you’re not alone.
Nora’s Note of Comfort
“Your loved one may no longer show empathy, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need it. And just because they can’t recognize your sacrifices doesn’t make them any less heroic. You are doing sacred, invisible work—and I see you.”
What You Can Do
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Don’t take it personally (even when it feels personal).
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Set boundaries where needed to protect your emotional energy.
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Find support from others who understand—like dementia caregiver groups or friends who’ve been there.
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Take breaks. You can’t pour from an empty teacup, darling.
I’d love to hear from you:
Have you ever wondered if your loved one’s behavior was “just them” or part of the dementia? How did you cope or find clarity in that moment? Please share in the comments below.