Well now, sugar—grab your teacup and settle in, because I’ve got a little heart-to-heart for you today. We’re talking about something I like to call the “I Already Know That” Syndrome. And honey, if you’re in the thick of dementia caregiving like I am, this one’s worth a stir and a sip.
Let me back up just a smidge. I was watching a bit of Marie Forleo’s B-School training (yes, even caregivers sneak in a little personal development now and again!), and she said something that hit me like a good whiff of lavender oil:
The folks who get the most out of her course aren’t the ones who say “Oh, I already know that.” They’re the ones who ask, “What can I learn from that?”
And it got me thinking… this exact same mindset applies to dementia caregiving.
When You’ve “Heard It All” Before…
It’s easy—so easy—to hear a tip or trick about handling a tricky behavior and think, “Yep, tried that, didn’t work.” Or maybe you hear something from another caregiver and your knee-jerk thought is, “That wouldn’t work with my person.”
Now hear me out, darlin’. I’m not saying you haven’t tried. Heaven knows we all have a laundry list of things we’ve attempted, and sometimes those efforts end with a triumphant smile… and sometimes they end with a sticky mess and a meltdown (theirs or ours).
But what if—just what if—we paused before dismissing the advice? What if instead of shutting it down, we asked, “How could I adapt this for my person? What’s one small change that might make this worth trying again?”
Dementia Doesn’t Follow the Rules (Neither Should We)
Here’s the truth with a capital T:
Dementia doesn’t play fair. It doesn’t play predictable. And it sure doesn’t play the same game two days in a row.
What didn’t work yesterday might work like a charm today. And what was smooth sailing last week might now cause a Category 5 meltdown. Our loved ones are living in a brain that’s constantly shifting, and if we want to help them—and stay sane ourselves—we have to shift right along with it.
When Advice Comes from a Fellow Traveler…
Now listen—I know there’s a sea of professionals and experts out there giving advice. Some of it’s helpful. Some of it’s… well, theoretical at best. But when another caregiver—someone who is in it with you—offers a suggestion, it’s worth more than gold. That person has weathered storms, changed messy sheets at 2 a.m., and tried coaxing their loved one out of a coat closet more than once.
So even if you think you’ve heard it all before, try this:
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Pause.
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Listen.
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And ask yourself: “Is there a version of this that could work for us?”
You might just find a twist, a tweak, or a tiny miracle that makes your day go a little smoother.
The Bottom Line, Sweetheart
In this world of dementia caregiving, we don’t need to be perfect—we just need to be present. Curious. Open. Willing to learn and unlearn and relearn.
So the next time someone says something that feels like old news, take a breath and ask:
“What can I learn from this?”
Even if it’s just a reminder that you’re not alone on this path.
And if nothing else, you’ve gained a bit more grace—and heaven knows we can all use more of that.
With a warm heart and a well-worn apron,
Nora Poppins
Your friendly neighborhood caregiver guide
Want to Put This Into Practice?
Before you click away, darlin’, I’ve whipped up a free little reflection sheet just for you—something to tuck into your caregiving journal or stick on the fridge for a gentle mindset reset.
Download the “What Can I Learn From That?” Caregiver Curiosity Sheet
It’s a cozy printable to help you pause, reflect, and maybe give that “tried it already” advice another look with fresh eyes.
👉 [Click here to get the free printable]
(Or if you aren’t already signed up for the FREE resource library, sign up below, for instant access!)
Because in this wild world of dementia caregiving, a little curiosity goes a long, long way.