I See You
A Sweet Little Book of Validation for Dementia Caregivers
by Deb Jeffrey
Caregiving is often lived in places no one else sees.
The exhaustion no one notices.
The guilt you don’t talk about.
The loneliness of carrying things other people don’t even know you’re carrying.
And the love that somehow continues underneath all of it.
I See You is a quiet little companion for dementia caregivers who don’t need another person telling them what to do.
Sometimes you just need someone to say:
I see how hard this is.
I see how much you’re carrying.
I see you.
Sometimes You Don’t Need an Answer
Caregivers are given a lot of advice.
Try this.
Don’t do that.
Take care of yourself.
Ask for help.
Get more sleep.
Be patient.
But sometimes you already know all the things you’re supposed to do.
You’re just tired.
Or angry.
Or lonely.
Or grieving.
Or feeling guilty because today you weren’t particularly patient, gracious or grateful.
Sometimes you don’t need another solution.
You need someone to understand why this is so hard.
That’s what I See You is for.
There is no advice here.
No fixing.
No instruction.
Just small moments of recognition for the person who spends so much time caring for someone else.
A Peek Inside I See You
A few words for the days when you need someone to see what’s really happening.
I see you when the same issues return again —
even after you thought they were settled.
The conversation you’ve already had.
The behavior you’ve already addressed.
The problem you already solved.
And here it is again.
I see you taking a breath
and starting over —
not because you want to,
but because you have to.
I see you when you catch yourself missing them
— even though they’re still right in front of you.
It’s not dramatic.
It’s subtle.
A look that doesn’t quite land.
A response that feels unfamiliar.
And suddenly, you’re grieving
something you can’t easily name.
I see you holding that loss quietly.
I see you when you take a break — and feel guilty for needing it.
Even when everything is covered.
Even when no one is asking more of you.
There can be a sense that rest is something you have to earn —
and caregiving never really signs the permission slip.
So instead of relief,
you feel tension.
Instead of rest,
you feel watchful.
I see how hard it is to let your body pause
when someone else’s needs continue.
That guilt doesn’t mean you’re selfish.
It means your care has trained you to stay alert.
For the Things Caregivers Don’t Always Say Out Loud
These pages gently make room for:
- Exhaustion — The kind that sleep doesn’t always fix.
- Guilt — For what you did, what you didn’t do and what you wish you’d done differently.
- Grief — Missing someone who may still be sitting beside you.
- Loneliness — Being surrounded by people and still feeling very much alone.
- Frustration — Because love doesn’t magically make caregiving easy.
- Fear — Of what is happening now and what may be coming next.
- The Invisible Work — The remembering, anticipating, watching and carrying no one else sees.
- Love — The quiet, stubborn kind that keeps showing up.
Nothing here asks you to do better.
It simply reminds you that what you’re carrying is real.
Made for Small Moments
You don’t need to start at the beginning.
You don’t need to finish a chapter.
You don’t need to remember what you read yesterday.
Open it in the early morning before anyone else is awake.
Pick it up after a particularly hard day.
Keep it beside your bed for the nights when your mind won’t stop.
Open to any page.
Read one reflection.
Close the book.
Come back when you need it again.
There is nothing here to accomplish.
Sometimes It’s Hard to Explain This Life to Someone Else
Some caregivers keep I See You nearby for themselves.
Others hand it to someone they love.
A sister.
A friend.
An adult child.
Someone who cares, but doesn’t quite understand why you’re so tired — or why something that sounds small can feel enormous.
Sometimes it’s difficult to explain what caregiving really feels like from the inside.
This little book can help say some of it for you.
A compassionate gift for someone walking the dementia caregiving journey.
If you need answers, there are books for that.
If today you just need to feel understood, this one is for you.
About Deb Jeffrey
Deb Jeffrey is a writer, illustrator and dementia caregiver — and the creator of Living With Lewy, where she shares hope, help and humor from inside the often unpredictable world of dementia caregiving.
I See You grew from something Deb began doing for other caregivers: simply naming the things so many were living but rarely saying out loud.
Not solving them.
Not putting a positive spin on them.
Just saying:
I see that.
Because sometimes being seen doesn’t change what you’re carrying.
But it can make carrying it feel a little less lonely.